Owning My Truth

On My Soapbox. Own My Truth

The other day I was having a conversation with Sherease about owning your truth. So thought what is my truth?

 I grew up around drugs, drug dealers, addicts and the occasional pimp with his accompanying hoe, HA!! How’s that for a truth bomb. Betcha didn’t know that! But that isn’t the truth I was talking about.

Since the ripe old age of 8 I’ve had a plan for my life. I was watching People’s Court on television and thought… I can do that. So I tell my mom, “momma I want to be a judge.” In true mom fashion she said, “Well, I guess that means we are going to be a judge.” Cause that’s how mom rolls. Everything is ‘We’.

So from that point on I knew what I had to do. I had a plan. The plan got me all the way through high school and through college for the most part. College, the end of college is when things kind of unraveled for the first time. I was burned out, and needed a break so I decided to travel. Don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t trying to ‘find’ myself. I knew exactly who I was. After all I had a plan. I was just taking a breather. And besides a little traveling would serve me well if I was going to become a judge. I spent the summer in South Africa. My person, my life was never the same. (A few more threads had unraveled; I just didn’t know it yet)

After Africa (is there ever really an after Africa, Lol) I was supposed to head off to the illustrious and highly competitive halls of law school. I didn’t like it so I didn’t go. So what to do? This was not in the plan. My identity up until this point had be based on becoming an attorney then judge. Every decision made was in anticipation of this specific future. I needed time to regroup and come up with a new plan.

I got a job. A very corporate job. With benefits and a 401k and everything. I hated it! Time for a new plan.

I was approached by the Navy and I considered it. Took all the test, went to the MEPS, talked about which community I was going to join, the whole thing. Then September 11^th happened and everybody’s lives changed.

So I went back to school. Woo Hoo Graduate School, here I come. Now here is when things REALLY start to unravel. I took some more time to travel, cause I can! My best friend and I had an amazing adventure, Atlanta, Miami, Peru and finally Jamaica, we were supposed to go to Cuba but it didn't happen. I’m still a little raw from that one. Things were going great in school. I found a new goal. Political Liaison for an International woman’s organization. YES!! I would help and empower women in lesser developed countries. Everything is right again with the world. I HAVE A PLAN!! Finish Graduate School, my best friend and I would move out of the country and have horribly fantastic lives of adventure. That was the NEW plan.

Going into my last year of Grad School a couple of things happened, I stumbled into and an acting class, I met a boy and my best friend got sick and died. All three would change the trajectory of my life from this moment on. 

I had my first performance as an actor before she passed, she told me that not only does she expect me to finish grad school, ON TIME but I better give this acting thing a real try.

I never had an interest in acting before then and there is no way to have a plan in the entertainment business. There are no real steps to follow that will get you to the point you desire. There are no tests that once passed you are now an actor able to make a living.

Now here is where the real truth comes in… For the first time in my life I had no plan, no possibility of a plan, my anchor was gone and I felt alone. I wanted everything to just stop. Stop moving so I could catch up or just stop moving. I didn’t have it together and I was scared I wouldn’t be able to pull it together. So I did what any actor does. I faked it I was working and moving through life for the first time without a plan!!

I didn't realize it at the time but I had never fallen off the path, I had never messed up the plan. Well at least not God’s plan. Mine was shot to sh*t but His seemed to be perfectly intact with just the right amount of distractions and sights along the way to make it interesting.

Now I am a producer, director, writer, actor… Now I am a storyteller. He gave me LOTS of stories to tell and blessed me with an appreciation for other people’s stories. This path, this plan is full of obstacles, set backs and challenges. And to be honest sometimes it just sucks and I get discourage and sad BUT I believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be even when it's a struggle to pay the bills and I have worked two months straight with no days off.

So in owning my truth I have to accept that I don’t always have a plan or have it together and sometimes it sucks but I keep going and I am blessed to know that with all of my failed plans I found my purpose.